WHAT. HAPPENED.

i am going to:
-revert to the age of five.
-transfer to yale.
-have more days like today.

hello sunday night. i love my little room. i love that im at yale. i love that i can hear the city sounds outside of my corner windows. i am giddy about tomorrow. yes.

my friends page is empty. congrats on everyone else having a life!

first weekend in forever u havent found a boy.

oh goodness.

My own body heat.

I got called back for the three a capella groups i tried out for and i DOTN KNOW WHAT TO SING
1) upbeat and jazzy - world on a string? you an i both?
1) smooth jazz ballad...... i have no idea. alicia keys becauseee
3) alicia keys - esque.

HALP.

just go to sleep.

so, not a happy camper.
when everything you tried so hard to get to just flies out the window in two weeks (through your own fault), when you avoid seeing people, are afraid to call, spend too much time reworking things that can't be changed, planning things that will never happen, trying to get something to be exactly the way you want it to be, the way you see it, but it never works out, its really just no good. i am so sick of waiting and of feeling so here.
go to sleep.

o1] Did you kiss anyone? yes

o2] Did you date anyone? i'm not sure

o3] Did you have someone to kiss when the ball drops? yes

o4] Did you lose any friends? yes

o5] Did you gain any friends? yes

o6] Did you do something new? yyyes

o7] Did anyone important to you die? no

o8] Did you change at all? i did some new things but unfortunately im essentially not really any different. i am the same but in different ways?

o9] Are you happy with the year over all? sure, why not?

1o] Whats the best thing that happened to you this year? um? skidmore?

11] Did you fall in or out of love? no.

12] Are you happy the year is over? yes and no.

13] Are you going to do anything different next year? hopefully many many things

14] Do you think 2009 will be a better year then 2008? if i behave

15] What will you miss most about 2008? singing with a legit group, thinking its okay to do what i did.

16] How many things did you screw up in 2008? every day of my liiife, haaaa?

17] Did you go to an amusement park? six flags

18] Did you go to a concert? death cab, killers, jacket, some space / puppet housing

19] Did you go to any parties? yeahh

2o] Did you go on a summer vacation? to somewhere very very strange, i havent exactly come back yett

21] Did you lie to your parents? mhmm

22] Did you get into a fight? probably

23] Did you leave the country? spain

24] Did you have a good birthday? not really

25] Did anyone in your family get married? no

26] Do you think you grew? no, i feel like iv gotten shorter is that possible?

27] Did you dye your hair? no, thankfully

28] Who do you think you were on the phone with the most? mom

29] Did anyone sing to you? more like with me

3o] Did you sing to anyone? haha yes. every weekend.

31] Did anyone tell you they loved you? not lovelove but it was appreciated none the less

32] Did you ever go to the hospital? hm. no not this year?

33] What did you drink and eat the most? probably hummus / sobe

34] Did you change your top 8 at least 8 times? no myspace i did not.

35] Did you change your profile over 10 times? possibly

36] Did you change your profile picture at least 20 times? i do not know

37] Did you get a tattoo? noooot yeeeet

38] Did you vote? uh. yeahh, mm.

39] Are you going to make a new years resolution? probably just apply my daily resolutions that i dont follow to the year.

40] Did you stick to your new years resolution from last year? im pretty sure i known what it might have been and i guess i went through phases.

i am full in all the wrong ways, empty not in my stomach but in my mind and actions and thoughts and words.
it is late and i have no roommate right now.

i've decided i dont like being high: as if im not quiet and tired enough all the time anyway. i took a nap instead of going out.
lesson learned.

don't mean i'm iiin love tooo-night.

...

ohh dearr. oh me oh my. ohhhhh dear oh dear oooohhhhhh dearrr.

ups and downs come so close together

mom is coming tomorrow and i've got half a handle of shitty vodka and 2 liters of smirnoff (one is blueberry, p.s. mm mm good) in my fridge. hmmm.
decision to be made: do i want to go to upstairs?

whatisgoingonwhyaminotasleep/inabedwithsomeone/whyamieatingpeanutbuttermylifemylifemylife.

since when is this okay? it is not.

GUYS, STOP ME NOW WHO AM I (foiveissuchabadnumberandalsoverydelicious.thiswillprobablybedeletedatalatermoment.)